What Cancer Does

Cancer takes you on a rollercoaster ride of emotions and experiences. A much less thrilling experience and quite the opposite of exhilarating, but a rollercoaster-like effect nonetheless.

Cancer suddenly appears in your life and it haunts your dreams like a dark cloud blotting out the sun, turning them into a long lost fantasy; but at the same time it broadens your horizon by altering your expectations. Assumptions you used to make and preconceptions you held are tossed out the window and you can more easily "go with the flow".

Cancer destroys the life you thought you built for yourself. However, it forces you to see the bigger picture that is God's plan, thus giving you a more tolerant perspective. You learn what is truly important. One example I can think of to illustrate this idea happened after my first round of chemo. My parents and I had spent the entire day in the infusion room at the clinic and when we finally left, I was exhausted and very ready to go home. We got in the car and sat in silence listening to the cranking sound as my mom tried to get the car to start. Nothing. If it were any other pre-cancer day, we probably would have had the typical response of frustration and anger, but instead we called a friend and calmly went inside and waited for help to arrive. We joked about it afterwards, commenting on how we dealt with what would've been considered a "bad day".

Cancer gives your parents gray hair and uncontrollable stress, yet it brings them together to show you what unconditional and sacrificial love looks like.

Cancer stabs a knife into your femininity and takes away your hair, what you once thought was a key component to your beauty, but then you notice that, without hair, other aspects of your beauty are accentuated that you didn't realize you had before. There is a sense of rediscovery and empowerment when you get to the other side of severe hair loss and can still feel beautiful.

Cancer introduces a kind of fear unknown to you that sets up camp in the back of your mind, festering and eating away at the security you used to take for granted. At the same time, it allows you to build connections with others effected by cancer and with each encounter, you are gifted a small piece of hope. Just the other day I was at the grocery store picking out tea when a lady came up to me. She told me she noticed my head scarf and said that her mother went through cancer a few years ago. She asked me if I was looking for a particular type of tea and I said no, but asked if she had any suggestions. She named off a couple of kinds that her mother drank during chemo that seemed to help. I have been amazed by how kind and helpful strangers have been to me since starting treatment.

Cancer tests your faith and stretches your trust to its limits, but that in turn just boosts your determination to keep pushing through and beat it.

Cancer frightens you to no end, but you have a strong support of family and friends to carry you through when you feel you can't bear it alone.

Cancer effects so much more than my own physical and mental health. It also takes a toll on my entire family and they deserve (and need) as much prayer and support as I do. Cancer is a battle that the entire family faces and I want to validate my loved ones' struggle in all of this as well. One of my doctors gave me a good piece of advice when I first received my diagnosis. He told me to be selfish. I have tried to take that to heart and ask for help when I needed it, but I also want to take the time to acknowledge the pain and anxiety of those that love me. 2019 has been a really tough year for my family and we appreciate the prayers being lifted for us.

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Philippians 4:7 says,"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." For me, the key phrase in this verse is "which surpasses all understanding". Trying to understand suffering often seems an impossible task. I have to leave the question of "why" unanswered, but that does not take away the protection and peace given to me by a loving Father.

I cherish the good days. I value simple human interactions that teach me kindness. I bury insecurities and I try to blot out anxiety. I thank God for my selfless parents and I pray for the light at the end of the tunnel to get a lot brighter.

Round three is just three days away, which means that we are that much closer to the halfway mark! Hmm, is it just me or is the end of that tunnel getting closer?

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Prayer Requests:

- That my body responds well to the chemo and that the cancer melts away.

- Healing from the physical side effects of chemotherapy.

- In a few weeks I will have another PET scan to evaluate the treatment's effectiveness. Please be praying for positive results and less scan anxiety.

- Strength and perseverance for my family as we continue this journey.