My New Normal

It's the fifth day out from my first round of chemo. I have to say that the initial experience was rather uneventful. I am undergoing R-CHOP, the letters stand for the five different poisons in my chemo cocktail. One of which - the R - causes allergic reactions in most people so in order for my body to accept it, they gave me a low dose over an extended period of time. So I spent the better part of two days in the surprisingly comfortable infusion chair getting a jump on this whole beating cancer thing.

Let's take it back a couple weeks when the "c" word entered my life officially. When I got the phone call from my oncologist that this is what we were dealing with, the word cancer actually never came up. He named it from the get go, lymphoma, and for the first week that's what I called it too. However true the word lymphoma was, it felt safer than calling it by its other blunt, nasty name. They say that repeating a word over and over causes it to loose its meaning, but I found myself repeating the word "cancer" over and over in my head in an effort to force myself to accept that this is my new normal now. Is it working? I'll let you know later. How do I accept this new normal when doctors are bombarding me with a slue of side effects and statistics before I even have a chance to wrap my mind around the word CANCER and what it means for me. Regardless, this battle has started whether I'm ready for it or not and maybe there is something beautiful in that. My life has not stopped, it is still moving steadily on, and I am moving with it, albeit in a vastly different direction than I ever expected. This is a small blessing that I will hang on to.

Let me pause, before I get too deep into the maze that is my emotional state at the moment and tell you that the support and encouragement I've received from so many people is what is pushing me forward. Family, old and new friends, and even strangers have gifted me with care packages and kind words that have been both surprising and humbling. I'm immensely grateful to those who have taken the time to offer their love to me.

Thankfully, I am managing the beginning of my treatments well and with minimal side effects for the time being. As this marathon begins for me, I will continue to adjust to my new normal and learn not to fear cancer. I want to face this head on and not shy away from the changes that are soon to come, both good and bad.

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Prayer Requests (an idea inspired by another blog I read):

- Limited side effects and that I continue to manage them well.

- Peace and comfort for my parents who are as much effected by this as I am.

- An easy transition to Austin to hopefully continue treatment there.

- That my body responds well to the chemo and that the cancer melts away.