God Winks

We are pressing on. It is now one week away from my second round of chemo and I am feeling unbelievably hopeful and at ease. As I sit typing away at the keys on my computer, I have peace about this entire situation and I'm surprised by the realization. If you know me, you know that I'm a very goal-oriented person. I had plans and a solid idea of how my life was supposed to turn out. Until my diagnosis, I hadn't faced many struggles or tough times in my life, and I never was forced to completely rely on God. Things generally just worked out how I had planned and I knew what to expect. Now, I find myself leaning on God more than I ever have because He is my main source of sanity. We are essentially flying blind for the first three treatments. After the third treatment, I will have another PET scan done and this will tell us if the cancer is responding to the chemo like it should. Until then, I have to live by faith alone and trust that God has control of the situation. The peace God has blessed me with stems from the moments in the past few months that I have been able to see His hand. My mom always refers to these moments as "God Winks". They are the small miracles in your life when you can feel God's presence.

This all began around December of 2018 when I started having low back pain that spread to my hip. At first, I thought it was a musculoskeletal injury and saw a chiropractor and physical therapist. They prescribed stretches and exercises for me to do. Those would work for a time, but the pain would always return. It was progressively getting worse when I decided to go to an orthopedic doctor. An MRI showed an abnormality in my bone marrow. From there I was referred to an oncologist, several tests and two bone marrow biopsies later we landed at the diagnosis of lymphoma. God Wink #1: The pain that I had been experiencing disappeared almost completely when we decided to get the biopsy done. The pain that got me to the correct doctor's door seemed to have served its purpose and hasn't returned. God Wink #2: During the first bone marrow biopsy, I was lying on the table and the nurses were talking about on which hip the procedure would be done. One nurse spoke up, "Most doctors perform it on the right hip, but he would like to do it on the left." Following the biopsy, a PET revealed that the cancer was only in my left hip, spine, shoulder, and femur. My doctor told me, "If the bone marrow biopsy had been performed in the right hip, I might still be scratching my head trying to figure out what was wrong." God Wink #3: My parents live in two different cities and my dad spent the first part of this adventure traveling back and forth for doctor visits, procedures, and treatment. It was not an ideal situation and my parents and I were trying to come up with a solution when we received great news. My mom's boss offered her the option to work from home so that she would have the flexibility to travel. With that, we were able to work out the plan to move to Austin during treatment. Both of my parents will be in the same town and we will be able to tackle this cancer as a family.

These are the moments that I replay in my mind when I'm feeling overwhelmed. I also remind myself of the beauty of human nature that I've seen. Let me give you an example. I was sitting in my infusion chair being pumped with cancer-killing chemo for the first time. I was the youngest in the room by about 15 to 20 years and I was feeling a little out of place when this young woman came around the corner. She was wearing yoga pants and a pink tank-top; her hair was piled on the top of her head in a blond bun. She walked up and introduced herself saying, "Hi, I don't mean to intrude, but I just wanted you to know that I know how you must be feeling. It's odd being the youngest one in the room." She went on to tell me that she had recently defeated breast cancer and that if we had been getting treatment at the same time, we would have been best friends. I've found kindred spirits among strangers and it makes everything sting a little bit less. It is amazing to watch how something so horrible and disheartening like cancer can bring out such beautiful and empowering human interactions.

Finally, I will leave you with an update. I have made the move to Austin and we met with the doctor that will be taking over my care. My treatment is staying relatively the same, but he will be adding something new to my regimen. A concern of cancers in bone and bone marrow is CNS involvement. The chemo has a hard time being absorbed into the CNS (for good reason), but there is a possibility of recurrence because of this. Therefore, my doctor would like to add a spinal tap as a preventative measure. I will have a spinal tap done where they will inject chemo straight into the cerebrospinal fluid four times over the course of my treatment. I'm glad my doctor is adding it to my treatment because if there is anything that can be done to prevent this from happening again I will gladly do it.

I am feeling energized and ready for round two!

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Prayer Requests:

- Infertility is a common side effect and it has been worrying me. My age is in my favor, but it is still a concern. Please pray that I don't sustain long-term damage in that way.

- Prayers for safety and success of the spinal tap that will happen this coming Tuesday.

- That my body responds well to the chemo and that the cancer melts away.

- A safe journey for my mom as she comes to Austin next week.